The 5R's of Recovery
by GreenDesert
Summary: Rage- n. Violent, explosive anger Realization- n. The act of comprehending completely or correctly. Release- v. To free from something that binds, fastens, or holds back; let go Redemption- n. The act of saving from a state of sinfulness or making up for past mistakes Recovery- n. A return to a normal condition
1. Rage

Book One: Rage

Rage- n. Violent, explosive anger

I had at once thought that I was nothing. My life was almost non-existent, for I had had everything I ever held dear stripped away from me. I was lost, and thus the hole in my heart consumed me…

You probably assume I'm Uchiha Sasuke, don't you? It's all right; everyone makes that mistake once in awhile. No, I'm not him. I'm his son, Uchiha Isamashii. You know, I used to be so infuriated when people accused me of being just like him. "His spitting image" they would say. Well, we were all furious back then. It was only until a few years ago that it all changed…

"ISAMASHII! ANDO! QUIT YOUR FIGHTING THIS INSTANT!" Fox-sensei screamed at the top of her lungs. Al though the shrill sound of her scream did make me slightly uneasy, that didn't stop my fist from slamming into Ando's jaw. Unfortunately, he had done the same to me, so we were both thrown back. Sliding across the gravel burned my back and skinned my arms since the rocks had torn open my sleeves.

Destry stood in the middle of us, as always, determining which boy she should run to. She glanced over at her "best friend," then at me, her stupid "crush," then back at Ando. She made her final decision and ran over to Ando (for once), who was already picking himself up and rubbing blood from his chin. I had to admit, for the whiny sissy he was; he never gave up in a fight against me. That took some pluck.

"So…Ponytail…" I managed between breaths, "When…you gonna…admit that…I'm better than you?"

Ando glared, "I will…when it's…true!"

Just then Fox-sensei leaped in between us. I swear the ground shook when her feet touched it. Her hair glowed an even brighter red, almost as if it was on fire, and her eyes burned even more than her fire hair. I'd seen that look before…too many times.

"What is your PROBLEM? Have you no self-control? The two of you fight over NOTHING! And Destry, what were you doing just standing there, again?"

"I-…I don't know Sensei…" The girl murmured.

"I've told you more than once, don't become a part of the background! You don't even try to stop them, do you?"

Destry bit her lip and lowered her head. It was moments like these where I almost felt bad for her. Ando and I were the ones who always fought. She just stood there, begging us to stop. But she was also a stuck up little brat who had everything I never had. She deserved no compassion, no empathy. She had her own conflicts she needed to resolve.

"So," Sensei turned her attention towards us boys again, "which one of you started it this time, huh?"

I glanced towards Ando. Despite the fact that I "technically" started it, he kept his mouth shut. Destry didn't say anything either. Why would they do that? No matter. Ando should be blamed for this anyway. He had it coming.

"No answer, eh? Well, it's not like it'd make a difference anyway. You ALL are being punished!"

"But Destry didn't do anything!" Ando shouted in defense.

"EXACTLY!" Fox-sensei snapped, making Ando flinch. "From now on, I'm quadrupling your training. You'll be working from sunrise to sunset. No, you'll be here before sunrise! And you can forget about me giving you a break on weekends. Your weekend training will now be even HARDER than your weekday training! And if I hear even a peep of complaint out of any of you, I assure you, you will regret it."

"Heh," I scoffed.

Fox whipped around to face me.

"Did you say something, Mr. I-Think-I'm-Better-Than-Everybody-Else? Do you have a problem with something I just said?"

I spit some blood into the dirt and grinned, my teeth stained with crimson, "Why would I complain? It's not like I have anything else better to do. Besides, what could be more fun than training all day long? That sounds just like a picnic to me!"

Ando and Destry stiffened, a look of fear on their face. This wouldn't be the first time my mouth caused us to do more than we had to.

Fox smiled slyly, "Good. We wouldn't want to upset the Omnipotent Isamashii!" She sighed, rubbing her temples. "I can't deal with anymore of this today. Go home. Relish it. You won't be seeing it much for the next couple of weeks."

She made a hand sign and disappeared, leaving only a wave of vaporous smoke and us genin.

"C'mon, Des. I'll walk you home," Ando suggested. She nodded in reply, and the two began to walk towards their homes.

"Is Princess gonna go cry to Daddy?" I mocked.

They both stopped.

"I bet you're gonna go cry and sob, 'Oh Daddy! Oh Daddy! You'll never believe what that meany Isamashii did!'"

I could see Destry's shoulders jerk. Good. That was a good sign. It meant it was working.

"And then you know what Daddy'll do? We all know what Daddy'll do!" I lashed at her. "He'll skin my hide and tear me apart! And everyone will act like it never happened, because he's our precious Hokage. Our Lord. Our KING! WELL WHAT ARE WE? His slaves? Oh no, but not you! You're not his slave! You're the princess, after all, getting whatever you want, WHEN YOU WANT IT! Oh I bet you'd like to see that happen, wouldn't you? See me get in trouble! I know that's exactly what you want!"

Ando quickly turned around again, shouting, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP, YOU SON OF A-"

Destry forced her hand into his chest, stopping him from coming closer to me. Her watery eyes looked up at him for understanding, and then turned to me, glaring.

"I don't know what causes you to act this way, or to treat everyone around you so poorly, but I pity you. I pity the fact that you believe the lie that everyone has such a perfect life, including my own. But mostly, I pity that you shun yourself from those of us who care about you most. Friends aren't supposed to shut each other out. We're supposed to stick together, be there for each other! That's what comrades do. That's what friends do!"

She turned, pulling Ando along with her.

"Friends? Comrades?" I held my hand to my ear and began shouting in singsong, "Did I hear you correctly? Why, fair Princess, what are these words you speak of? Surely you aren't referring to me! I HAVE NO FRIENDS!"  
My taunting did not faze her, and I watched them walk into the distance. I snorted and turned. That was the last day Destry had a crush on me.

Fox Sensei shouldn't have had such a cow about my little "retort." It's not like I was lying. I didn't have anything better to do. It was Princess and Ponytail who were having the problems, not me. They had a warm home to go to, with hot food, a welcoming family. They were just being babies, fussing because they weren't gonna have that comfort for a few weeks. Well, boo-hoo. Maybe now they'd get a taste of what I had to go through every day of my life.

I was just a few yards from my house when…I heard IT. It was like those little bells you hang above a doorway to signal that someone is entering. It's like they know I'm coming home, so it just starts up again.

"There you go, again! What's-a-matter with you? Are you completely useless?!"

"Useless? USELESS?! Mind your place, Woman! Do you have ANY IDEA who you're talking to?!"

"Of course I do! You're the Almighty Sasuke Uchiha! The top-grade, prestigious, LOUSY bum of a husband that I have EVER laid eyes on!"

"If I'm so 'great,' then WHY did you marry me?!"

"I DON'T KNOW! Maybe it was your 'oh-so-charming' smile, or your ability to COMPLETELY UNDERMINE OTHERS!"

With that, I heard the sound of glass smashing (presumably a plate), a slam of a door, then silence. Judging by the words that were used and the "weapon-of-choice," I could tell their fight was somewhere along the lines of…Mother asking him to do the dishes, and him deciding that that wasn't going to happen. It's sad that I can guess what they were fighting about. It's even sadder when I'm right.

I stopped before opening the door. One of them was is their room, which meant the other was still in the living room. I really didn't want to get involved. That's what us New-Bred Uchihas do. We make trouble and don't get involved in anyone else's. It makes you really think about life, huh?

Well, my decision was decided for me as the door slammed open. It was my father. He was stomping out the door, his head down, murmuring to himself. That's another thing us New-Bred Uchihas do well; pout. He nearly threw himself right into me. His eyes widened for a split second, as I apparently startled him. I held my breath, just as I always did when he walked near me. It wasn't very often we were standing this close. It was even more rare to have him looking directly into my eyes. No worries, because that didn't last long.

He looked to his left, embarrassed, and grunted. I still said nothing. Don't breathe, don't speak, don't say a word. The awkward silence was killing me. It was like a 20 billion ton weight was thrown onto my chest. Don't breathe, don't speak, don't say a word.

He raised his foot and I twitched. What an idiot I must've looked like. Here, the son of the bold, prominent Sasuke Uchiha, twitching like a spazz because he stepped forward. I only prayed that he didn't see as he walked around me. After he was a few steps away I let out my breath. The cold air stung my nose as I inhaled deeply. Turning to look behind me, I couldn't help but feel a slight stab at my heart. Here was the man I had looked up to, thought so highly of, was so proud to call my dad, and I'd hardly ever said more than 2 words to him since I was four-years-old.

I stood there until the dark night swallowed him completely. Then I walked into our broken home and went straight to my room. I was lucky to have run into my father. He never said a word to me. It was my mother who'd have a mouthful with me.


	2. Realization

Book Two: Realization

**Realization**- n. The act of comprehending completely or correctly.

_Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Beep-beep!_  
My alarm clock was soon silenced by me throwing it across the room. I looked over my shoulder and realized I had accidentally broken the thing. _Darn it!_ Mother would have a cow with me. She already spent hours fussing over how much money it cost. It's like she didn't even hear me say 'thank you.' That taught me a lesson for sure. I'd never say thank you again! What difference would it make if they don't even think you're thankful?

Sliding the deceased alarm clock between my mattress and the box spring, I looked out the window. Judging on where the moon was, it was probably somewhere between 3 and 4 AM. Fox Sensei wasn't kidding when she said she was going to punish us. She gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "cruel and unusual punishment." How many weeks had it been now since she demanded that we train so hard? I wasn't even sure anymore. Work was work. It didn't matter to me. I got dressed, brushed my teeth, and combed my hair, all the while careful not to wake my parents. Who knows how they'd react this early in the morning? I certainly didn't want to find out.

I leaned over to grab my things when my stomach growled. I guess I could eat a _little_ something. Not too much though. All of the exercise we'd been doing might end up making me vomit it all out.

I sneakily walked into the kitchen. I knew better than to look in the pantry. Nothing there. I opened the fridge, hopeful. All that was there was some aging milk. Maybe on _top_ of the fridge? I stood on my tiptoes and a…PEACH!

Hey, it's something, right?

I pulled out the fruit and sat down at the nearest chair. It squeaked loudly as I sat into it. It was some old, hand-me-down chair you find at those poor people stores. It looked like it was stolen from some bar or something.

Regardless, it was (semi) sturdy, and provided you with a good sit, and that was all I needed for the moment.

After I was seated, the annoying squeaking stopped, and all that could be heard was the grating noise coming from our air conditioner. Mother always yelled at Father to fix it so that it wouldn't keep her up at night. I, surprisingly, found the noise calming. It must've been because I was used to it.

I pressed my thumbs into the peach, feeling the soft fruit squish underneath them. I slowly took a bite into it. Ah, such sweet juices a peach has. So warm and yet, cold and refreshing at the same time. It reminded me of when I was younger, much younger.

_Mother and Father took me to a field filled with peach trees. They were so tall and mighty, just like my parents. My father plucked one from those gargantuan branches and squatted down to my level.__  
_

_"Here, Isamashii. Try it!"  
_

_He placed the strange fruit in my tiny hands.__  
_

_"Ew! It's got hair on it! I don't want to eat it if it's got hair on it!"  
_

_My mother giggled at my ignorance. "Isa, it's a special fruit. It's meant to be this way! It's delicious, you'll see."  
Reluctantly, I bit into the fruit.  
_

_"OI! I' IZH GUUD!" I said with my mouth full. My parents smiled warmly at me.  
But that was a long time ago._

I took another bite, trying not to spill any of it on me. _Why should I even go to practice today, anyway? I practice 10 times more than those other two. Besides, they haven't looked at me the same since that last confrontation we had. _

_They hate me too._

I set the peach on the table.

_I shouldn't go. I should go to Sunagakure today. It's been awhile since my last visit to Uncle Gaara and Uncle Kankuro. _

_They must be wondering how their nephew's life is going, right? Yeah, I'll just go there and say "Oh yeah, we're just doing the same as usual"__  
_

_And then Uncle Kankuro would suggest, "Isamashii, you poor boy. You must stay here in Sunagakure."  
_

_"I'd hate to intrude." I would say so courteously.  
_

_"Not at all," Uncle Gaara would say. "You're family. We must watch out for you. That's what a family does."_

I don't like it when my fantasies upset me more than reality. Sure my uncles cared about me, but I couldn't leave here. Not for good. Maybe my father wouldn't care, but I'd break my mother's heart. She gets enough of that already.

No, I guess I better not leave. If I skipped out on practice, those two dim wads would get into even more trouble.

Heh, and here I thought I'd enjoy seeing them get yelled at by Sensei. But something about it didn't register well inside me. Then again, it could just be the peach talking. _Nah, I'll go. Those idiots would miss me too much._

"Err…just shut up, would you?!"

I froze like a deer in headlights.

"FINE! I'LL TURN OFF THE DANG THING! IF YOU WANNA DIE OF HEAT, THAT'S FINE BY ME!"

Crap! They were fighting again? Well, that didn't surprise me really, because they always fought. But I guess I hadn't realized they fought this early as well! Then again, I hadn't exactly been present in the mornings the past couple of weeks.

I heard the sound of groggy footsteps and the figure bumped into some walls along the hallway. It was headed…RIGHT IN MY DIRECTION!

I slipped from the chair and ran to the farthest wall of the kitchen. I was right next to a window. If I were lucky, the light from the moon would glow too strong in the frame of the window that around the pane (including me) would be too dark to see. I could only hope as much.

It was Father, fumbling around in the kitchen. He stubbed his toe on the air conditioner box. He shouted a profanity, and I winced as if it were directed at me. He groped at the metal box, turning dials and clicking buttons. He got angry and smacked the thing. It whirred in defeat and the buzzing sound died. _Whoa, he actually turned it off._ He picked himself up and patted his hands on his robe. He was just starting to head out of the kitchen when he stopped.

I cowered to the floor. Did he really see me? Would he be angry with me for being up so early?

"Hm," he said with a lighter tone to his voice, as he picked up the peach and carried it off to his bedroom. I would've laughed if it weren't for the fact that I'd been scared crapless.

I panted hard as I lay flat on the ground. There lie Destry and Ando too. We were all exhausted. Today was extremely hard. Sweat dripped into my eyes and they burned intensely, so I closed them and just lay there, still as a stone on a hill. My eyebrow twitched as a shadow passed over me. I opened my eyes to find Fox Sensei standing over us. Unlike her normal aggravated face that we had grown oh-so familiar with these past weeks, she wore a warm smile, her eyes half lidded.

"You guys have worked hard enough today. Go on home."

Flabbergasted as we were, we still managed to utter the words "thank you." Even I did. I didn't even realize I had said it until the last syllable passed my lips.

Sensei just shrugged, smiled again, and walked away.

"Thank heavens!" Destry joked, spreading her arms out. "But I gotta admit, these intense training sessions have done well for me. I've even got better at my ninjutsu!"

I wanted to make a comment, but my newly appointed better judgment decided against it.  
Ando was the first to get up, as if he were trying to prove something. He dusted off the back of his black shirt and lowered his hand out to Destry. She took it and he pulled her up off the ground. I snorted and turned my head the other way. Why couldn't they just _admit_ they totally loved each other already? I mean, even I knew that!

I was a little startled when a hand reached out to me. I only glanced over with my eyes, not even turning my head, pretending that I didn't even care. This time Ando leaned over to me.

"Ya need help up?"

"Ha!" I looked the other way again, pretending I was just so cool. "Me? Need help?"

I shifted a little.

"I can get up perfectly fine on my own, thanks."

A sharp pain in my side told me otherwise. I winced as my whole left side started to cramp up. I looked around, coyly.

"Well, if you're offering…"

I grabbed his hand and he helped me up. Destry giggled at my whole "cool" act. She totally didn't buy it. I grunted and threw my hands in my pockets, turning my head the other way yet again.

Ando laughed a little this time too.

"You know, it's okay to need help every once in awhile. It doesn't make you weak. It makes you human," Then he began mimicking Fox sensei's voice. "Even the Omnipotent Isamashii could understand that!"  
The two burst out laughing. I had to admit; even I smiled a little bit.

"Oh my gosh!" Destry exclaimed, in mock-shock. "Is that a smile on Isamashii's face?"  
My automatic reaction was to frown and deny, which of course I did.

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Oh c'mon! It's not _that_ bad! Have you ever heard that saying about how it takes less muscles to smile than to frown?"

I don't know what came over me, but for some reason, I went along with it. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Well, you know me," I said. Then I raised my arms and flexed like those freakish guys you see on television that have used so many steroids they look like elephant-men and deepened my voice, "I'm all about de mus-kulz!"  
They laughed again, but this time I joined them. This was so weird. I'd never had this long of a conversation with them without picking a fight. The weirdest part of it all was that I was enjoying myself. I guess I'd just been exposed to belligerent behavior so much, that I thought that was the only way you could have conversations. I always assumed fighting was inevitable. Yet, whaddya know? Here I was, having "fun" without arguing.

"Whoo," Destry sighed, wiping a tear from her eye. "Well, I guess we'd better be getting home. OH HEY! Isamashii,

I'm having this thing at my house, a huge dinner for all our friends. My mom made tons of really good food. Ando, Koinu, Sakai, and my brothers and sis'll be there!"

"What about Shakino?" I asked, embarrassingly.

"I wanted her to come, but she has to fill out some paperwork from her last mission," Destry mumbled, saddened at the idea that one of her best friends couldn't go to something that seemed so important to her. "But I was wondering, maybe _you'd _wanna come too?"

I blinked. Me? Invited to such an "important" event? I may have been the "cool guy on the block," but I didn't get invited to things.

"I…uh…"

"You should go! It'll be fun," Ando chimed. He grabbed my arm and raised it in the air, "Besides, you could use some sun!"

I jerked my arm away. Then I crossed my arms and pouted my lip, "I'm just light skinned, that's all."

They laughed again.

"So, you wanna come?" Destry offered again.

"Mm…nah. Not this time. Maybe next time," I said nonchalantly. What? Hey, I may have been enjoying myself, and sure the idea sounded cool, but I was still "the tough guy." I had to wean myself off that hardcore stuff, not just give it up all at once!

Destry shrugged. "If you saaayyyy soooo…But if you change your mind…"

"I know where to find you, yeah." I finished.  
They picked up their jackets and ran off.

Crap.

What the heck was I supposed to do _now_? There was no WAY I was going home this early. I can only take so much of my parents fighting for so long. I sighed and walked to the inner streets of Konoha.

I sighed as I watched the horizon. I liked sitting at this ledge. Not a lot of people came up here, which surprised me. You could see the entire village from this spot, and if you came at just the right time, the sun shone right through the leaves of the trees. It was nice.  
I came up here a lot. I came here to think, or to not think. Its main purpose was to get me out of the house. Why did my parents have to fight so much? They _said_they loved each other. I used to think they completely hated each other, until one time I saw my mother crying at the window.

_"Mother?" I asked delicately. Like I said, I wasn't one to get into others' businesses, but I felt it was my duty as a son to ask.  
_

_Her gaze was drawn away from the window and she rubbed her nose. "Wha-what is it?"  
_

_"I was going to ask you that…"  
_

_"Oh," she started. "Nothing really…"  
_

_I knew better. My silence apparently told her that. She sighed and looked out the window. "It's same old, same old. We got into a fight again."  
_

_Duh.  
_

_"Why…" I swallowed, "do you…guys hate each other…so much?" I couldn't believe I asked that. We didn't talk about our __feelings. We didn't share things. We didn't ask questions._

_She looked at me with wide eyes. I guess she was thinking the same thing I was. Turning away, once again, she whispered, "I don't hate your dad."  
_

_"Then why do you fight so much?"  
_

_"People argue."  
_

_"Then why…" I knew by asking this next question, I'd be swimming in troubled waters, but I had to ask it, "why do you love him? What makes you love him?"  
_

_She smiled, "The same reason you do."  
_

_That didn't answer anything. I didn't know why I loved him. He hadn't done anything for me. Why did I love him? I had no __reason to love him. I just did._

_"…Does…father hate you?"  
_

_She blinked and a tear slid down her cheek. She quickly rubbed it away and her voice became edgy, "Stop asking me so many questions! If you wanna know so bad, why don't you ask HIM?"  
_

_That's when I stopped talking to her._

The breeze felt good against my face. I closed my eyes and exhaled.

"What are you doing out here?"

I was so shocked that I bit my tongue. Wincing from the pain, I turned. I saw the warm smile of a kind, caring man. The man I hated.

"You know, Destry's having a party. You should go to it. You might enjoy yourself," Lord Hokage added.

"Hmph," I huffed. "What are you doing here?"

"It's my job. I have to look over the village."

"I _mean_ what are you doing here _now._Shouldn't you be with your family or something?"

"But I am," he said, plopping on the ground next to me. "I consider you a part of my family. Just as I do with all of the citizens of this village."

"Ooh, sentimentality." I growled, pulling my knees to my face and leaning on them. "You should write greeting cards. You'd make big bucks."

"Schmaltzy as it may be, I mean it," he laughed. He had one of those deep, hearty laughs. The laugh a man of supremacy would have. The laugh a dad would have. A moment of silence followed, as we both gazed at the scenery.

"Your dad loves you, Isamashii."  
I stopped breathing for a second. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, I just turned to him. He knew what I was trying to ask.

"He loves you. He doesn't say anything to you, and he doesn't pay much attention to you, but don't confuse that with hatred." The hokage said.

"How…?" I uttered. How did he know what I was thinking?

"I've known your father ever since I can remember. And I'll tell ya one thing," the fair-haired hokage closed his eyes and grinned his trademark grin, "he's an idiot! Sure, sure, he may seem smart sometimes, but he's not always so wise. No matter how many times he's learned, he always makes the same mistake."

"W-what is that?" I asked, astonished.

"He always pushes away the people he loves most."

What did he mean? H-how would he know that? How would he know about my situation at all?

"You have such cold eyes, Isamashii. It hurts me when I see eyes like that. I've seen it too many times. You must learn. No matter how awful the darkness is, you are never alone. There are plenty others out there, just like you."  
Was he psychic too? Could he read minds or something?

"That's why I held you back for so long. You only thought about yourself. I hope now you realize why I needed you to grasp the concept of having comrades. Even when you seem so unaided, there will always be someone there for you. You just have to find them. God gave us all a purpose in life. We were all meant to face challenges. This just happens to be yours. Things will get better," he took one more fleeting look at the view before smiling at me again,

"I promise you."

My jaw couldn't stop from dropping. He was…right. I had plenty of people who were there for me. My friends, family, people who've always been there, but I was too busy shutting them out that I hadn't even noticed. My eyes had been opened.

I hurriedly jumped up. "I've gotta go! There's someone I have to talk to!"

Lord Hokage struggled to pick himself up. He straightened himself, and I realized how tall he was compared to me. Here I was, some short, loud mouthed, jerk of a boy, and the most powerful man in all our country had taken time out of his day to talk to me.

"Lord Hokage," I said before leaving.

"Hm?" he hummed curiously.

I nodded, "You are much wiser than I had presumed."

He scratched the back of his head embarrassingly, "Yeah, heh, I guess you're right."

With that I leaped across the treetops. I needed to talk to this person fast, and I knew exactly where to find her.


	3. Release

Book Three: Release

**Release**- v. To free from something that binds, fastens, or holds back; let go

_Man, this is stupid._ I said, leaning against the roof of the house, hoping I couldn't be seen through the window. I felt really awkward and was starting to have second thoughts. _No,_ I thought, _I have to do this!_ I sighed and arched around.

Tick! Tick! Tick!

I saw the back of Shakino's head jolt up. She had papers all over her desk. I guess she had fallen asleep while trying to do her write-up. When she saw me crouching outside her window, those tired eyes were soon replaced with excitement.

"ISA-KUN!" She shouted, darting to the window.  
I held my finger to my lips, "SHHH! If your dad sees me here, he'll kill me!"

"Dad doesn't dislike you that much, Isa-kun," she smiled dreamily.

I raised an eyebrow. Mr. Nara really didn't like me. He was always saying that I was too much like Sasuke. I guess he didn't take a liking to good ol' daddy. Maybe it was because his wife used to have a thing for my father. Then again, he apparently used to have a thing for my mother. Drama, drama, drama.

"Well, he'll just have to get over it then," she sighed, waving a hand in the air. "So, what are you doing here? ARE YOU HERE TO PLEDGE YOUR HIDDEN LOVE TO ME? Ooh this is so romantic! It's like Romeo and Juliet."

"Uh…no. I need your help."

"Oh," she said, her lovey-dovey look fading into a serious look of dread. "Well, what's wrong?"

"Can you come out here? I feel weird talking on your windowsill."

"Oh, right!" I stepped aside and she hurdled out the window. "Now would you mind telling me what this is all about?"

So I told her. I told her the kind of things that had been happening to me. I told her my thoughts, my worries, how my parents were fighting now more than ever. I told her almost everything. I don't know why I felt I had to tell her so badly. I trusted her for some reason. Even though she was the "leader" of my fan girl pack, she was extremely rational. She was smart and knew more than anyone else I'd ever met. She knew how to get into people's heads, and that wasn't just because she was a mind reader.

"Oh Isamashii, you... I…I had no idea…" She said quietly after I had finished. "But what exactly do you want _me_ for? I'm not exactly sure what I can do…"

"You're smart. You've read books, seen TV shows of these kinds of things. I figured you might know what I should do," I said, hopeful.

"I'm flattered, really. I know some things. I don't know how much it'll help, but hopefully it'll assist you in some way."

She then spent the next hour or more teaching me. She spoke about the importance of communication and how unhealthy it is to hold things in. It appears that I am one unhealthy lad. She talked and talked and talked. She was like Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Phil combined! But for once, I listened. Intently, at that! It was different than how it normally was, her rambling and me ignoring. This was important information that needed to be taken to heart.

"Isa," she said. Her voice lowered in earnestness, "you need to fix this. I know that you can. You've spent too much of your life just dealing with this. If you don't start something now…who knows what'll happen to you…"

"I know," I said shortly. I scratched the back of my head. There was something else I had been wondering. "Do you…um…"

"What else?"

"Do you know what my father thinks about me?" I sounded like some little kid wondering what he was getting for Christmas. It made me feel stupid.

She frowned and looked away. "I…I haven't really read his mind much. I try to stay out of adult's heads…It's bad road," she joked. "But I honestly don't know what he thinks of you. The only time I ever read his mind, he only thought in chopped words and fragments. _'Regret. Never again. Doesn't deserve this. Not like me.'_ Would any of that involve you? Does any of that sound familiar?"

"Not really…I wouldn't know…" I murmured. I stood up and dusted off my pants. "Well, I guess that's it then. Thank you, Shakino."

She blushed. "Of course. Good luck, Isamashii." With that, she started walking over to her window.

Aw, man!

What was with this stupid conscience I grew over the past month? She did a great deal for me, and there was no way I would ever be able to thank her. Well, I know ONE way I could try to repay her. Gosh, this sucks…

"Hey Shakino!"

She looked over at me, "Huh?"

"If, uh…" I scratched my head, embarrassed again, "if this whole thing turns out all right…maybe, we could go get a bite to eat or catch a flick or something? Ya know, a way to say 'thanks.' Would you like that?"  
Her blank stare confused me. Then suddenly-

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! OH ISA-KUN, THAT'D BE WONDERFUL!"  
She began leaping around the roof. She was going to wake up her parents!

"Shakino! I don't mean in a romantic way or anything. It's just to pay you back."  
She stopped, "Oh I know that. But this way, I'm one step ahead of all the other girls."

"How do you suppose that?"

"You never asked any of _them_ on a date, have you?"

"Point taken," I admitted. I didn't like it when she proved me wrong. She did that a lot. I waved goodbye and headed home. I had a mission. It would be long and hard, but it needed to be done.

It was a quiet afternoon in my house. Fox Sensei had sent us home early due to good progress. It was one of those rare, nice days. A day where we did exactly what we were supposed to, a day I was staying in my house for more than 10 minutes, a day where both of my parents were in the same room and not arguing. Father was reading the paper and Mother was reading a book. For stubborn pain in the butts, they sure were calm when they read. That left me, awkwardly sitting on the living room floor, doing nothing in particular but eating an apple.  
This was a good time to initiate step one.

I cleared my throat loudly.

"We should eat dinner together. You know, like at the table?" I spat out the words quickly, not making eye contact.

As soon as I finished, I shoved the apple into my mouth, as if I hadn't said anything.  
Both my parents looked up from their reading to stare at me. This was one of the first times I said anything without being spoken to first. They looked at each other. My father grunted.

"I…I guess we could…" my mother answered still dumbfounded.

"Mm," I mumbled indifferently through the apple, trying to conceal the intense amount of joy surging through my body. Step one was complete. Now I would have to do the hardest parts.

_I've been putting this off for too long…I really need to do this,_ I thought, sitting at the dinner table for the 2nd night in a row (a record in my household)

Avoiding it wasn't helping any. I needed to tell my parents the truth. I opened my mouth, but instead of words coming out, I shoved some food into it. Mother and Father were talking about something. I wasn't sure what it was.

I was too queasy to keep my thoughts straight. Then it happened, again.

"You didn't pay the bills this month."

"What are you talking about?" Father grumbled.

"I said-"

"I _know_ what you said. It was your turn to pay the bills."

"NO IT WASN'T! Gosh, is your memory that bad that you can't even remember your job?"

"DON'T QUESTION ME! IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME, THERE WOULD BE NO MONEY! AND THEN YOU COULDN'T BUY ALL YOUR PRECIOUS KNICKNACKS AND DRESSES! YOU SHOULD BE INDEBTED TO ME!"

This remark was the launch of a long slur of profanities from either side. Instead of speaking up, like I'd been meaning to do, I did what I always did: slunk down in my chair and kept my mouth shut.

_Now's your chance! Say something!_

They won't listen. Keep your mouth shut!

They might listen. You'll never know if you don't try. You've never even tried to talk to them about this before.

Do you really wanna be dragged into this? No, you don't. Shut it all out. It'll get better this way.

You're making yourself sick! If you continue shutting yourself out, you'll eventually tear yourself apart.

Don't breathe, don't speak, don't say a word.

But-

Don't breathe, don't speak, don't say a word.  
Don't breathe, don't speak, don't say a word.  
Don't breathe, don't speak, don't say a word.

Now they were standing up, out of their chairs. Strong words were used. They weren't yelling. They were screaming. Fists were slammed into the table. Dinner plates fell to the ground.

This whole time I was quivering. I could feel myself being dragged into that dark place again. My hideaway. My place of solitude. I clenched onto my chest. My heart was being hacked apart. I bit my tongue as my eyes began watering. No. I wasn't going to take this anymore…

"SHHHHUUUUTTTTTT UUUUPPPPPP!"

Both of my parents looked at me in alarm. Now I was the one standing, my chest heaving as tears poured from my face.

"What is WRONG WITH YOU?! Have you no concern of what's happening to us?! DON'T YOU CARE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME?!" I yelled. "NO! WHAT AM I THINKING? VIOLENCE IS THE ONLY WAY YOU GUYS WILL LISTEN!" I used all the strength I had and shoved my father. Al though he was much stronger than me, he was pushed back some.

Then I pushed over the chair that was next to my mother. Both of them were dead silent. I never EVER acted this way. Certainly never to them.

"If you wanna fight someone, FIGHT _ME!_ FIGHT ME! YOU'RE ALREADY KILLING ME ANYWAY! I'D RATHER DIE BY YOUR _HANDS_ THEN YOUR WORDS!"

"I-Isa-" Mother started.

"NO! For once, YOU'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO ME! I have something to say!" I growled. "Do you guys even realize what's happened to us? I can't stand being around you! All you do is argue! I can't take it anymore! I've grown so much hatred from you. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS! I'm so used to shutting everybody out, just like you! I haven't said anything for so long. DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO HAVE DIED FROM THAT?! I could die because of YOUR stupidity!

"And you," I turned to Mother, "when Father isn't around, you take it out on me! WHAT DID I EVER DO?! NOTHING! I've always listened to what you had to say; I've tried to help you too! And you just shove it all back in my face!"  
I faced my father. The man who scared me so. The man I never wanted to look weak in front of, and here I was, sobbing and crying. Yet, I had never felt so strong. All of my emotions had swelled throughout my body, giving me colossal strength.

"You…" I had to gasp for breath, "I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU! All my life people have told me I'm just like you. But they know more about you than _I_ do! How am I supposed to know who _I_ am when I don't even know who my own father is?!"

His eyes widened. Did he even know?

"All my life…THE ONLY THING I WANTED WAS TO MAKE YOU PROUD! I WANTED YOU TO LOVE ME! I wanted you to love me for who I was. That's why I worked so hard. That's why I strived so hard! EVERY DAY! Every day I prayed 'Dear God, please let my father notice me! Let him see that I exist!' But it never happened. GOD SHUNNED ME TOO! JUST LIKE YOU DID!" I stopped for I couldn't speak through the sobs. My throat was thick with saliva and I couldn't see through the tears.

"I…" I said quietly, my eyes closed, "I've always wanted to hate the both of you. You didn't deserve my attention. But I couldn't. I love you. And I'll never stop loving you. I just wish…I just wish you did…I-I-"  
My sentence was stopped short as smooth, warm fabric smothered my face. Strong, burly arms wrapped around me and my eyes popped open in shock. I looked up to see the face of a broken man, his raven eyes glistening with pouring tears. He smiled at me.

"Son…I've always loved you," he wept some more. "…And today, you have made me the proudest man alive…"  
I couldn't say anything. I just stared in disbelief. Then I surrendered. I threw my arms around him and nuzzled my face into his chest. He held me tighter. Then I felt a woman's arms wrapping around me as well. She kissed my head and leaned her head against my father's arm. I could feel both of their bodies convulsing against mine.

"Forgive me, my Isa…"

And I bawled.

I bawled for all of the years of pain. For every time I lost a game. For every time I fell and scraped my knee. For every time I spent the day alone in my room. I let everything go. And al though I was crying, I had never felt so relieved and happy. This ache that had been building up for so long was gone. And for the first time, my parents were thinking of me, cradling me like the broken little boy I was…


	4. Redemption

Book Four: Redemption

**Redemption**- n. The act of saving from a state of sinfulness or making up for past mistakes

The next few weeks would be the beginning of redemption. After our cry-fest, I showed them some brochures of Family Counseling I had in my pocket.

"We all need to do this. The sessions aren't the cheapest things in the world, but I'm willing to spend my money that I've saved up."

"Isa, you don't need to do that. That's our job," Mother said earnestly.

"I know, but I'd like to. It's something we all have to take part in. What do you think?" I asked my father who was studying the brochure. He looked up at me.

"I think," he smiled, "that this might work."  
I nodded, "and if it doesn't…we'll have other options. Therapists…anger management…" I shuddered at my next words, "…divorce…"

I really hoped it wouldn't end that way, but if it was the only way we could all be happy, then I needed to accept that. My mom took my hand and squeezed it tenderly.

"It's good to hear my baby's voice again…" she said quietly.

"That's another thing…we need to start communicating more…" I said. For someone who hadn't talked much for years, you sure couldn't shut me up today. "I know it's going to be hard, but we need to learn to teach ourselves how to tell each other things. Yelling about things doesn't help," My father lowered his head in embarrassment.

"-But staying silent is just as bad. So…what do you guys say?" They looked at each other.

"Call the shrink!"

"Good! Very good!" Fox sensei was shouting with joy. She was beginning to grow very proud of us. Our skills were becoming incredible, not to mention our teamwork skills.

"Oh great!" Ando panted, "Where…did you learn all of…those new moves?"

"My dad," I replied. "He's teaching me some new stuff. The therapist said it would help our relationship if we all did more things together."

"Yeah!" Destry said, walking over to us. "How is all of that going, anyway?"  
I nodded, "Good. We meet with the counselor person twice a week. She has us do different activities and makes us tell about different things. Nothing too big now. At first she made us talk about why we acted the way we did."

"So, why did they act like that? That is, if you don't mind my asking…" Destry asked.  
I shrugged, "They said that they had no excuse to act the way they did. But my father was saying that the main reason he avoided me was that he didn't want me to turn out how he was when he was younger. He never realized that he was actually doing the exact opposite. Both of them, they said a lot of it was them coping with their anger management issues. They just took all their problems out on each other."

My friends frowned.

"It's okay," I said reassuringly. "We're getting help."

Ando patted my shoulder, "I'm happy for you."

Destry gave me a hug, "Me too!"

"Hey, you guys! We still have more things to go over!" Sensei called. Destry quickly ran over, leaving us boys trailing behind.

"I saw that…" I grinned devilishly.

"What?" Ando asked.

"Oh nothing…just you turning green with envy 'cuz your girlfriend hugged me."

"Wha-?!" he shouted in defense. "She's not my girlfriend!" His face grew red and he started to walk faster.

"Ando's got a girlfriend! Ando's got a girlfriend!" I teased.

"Do not! You sound like my sister!"

"Then you wouldn't mind if I dated her?"

Ando froze in his tracks. Then he bolted back to me and grabbed me by the neck of my shirt, "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!"

I laughed, "I was just joking! Trust me, I'm not interested! I was just trying to get you riled up! And you fell for it."

He broke a sweat, as his face grew redder. He shoved me away, "You're stupid…"

I laughed and met up with the rest of my team.

"So what kind of things do you guys talk about?" Shakino asked, sipping her soda.

"Music. Different kinds of attacks. Stuff like that," I answered. Like I promised awhile back, I took Shakino to some restaurant. It wasn't a fancy-schmancy restaurant, just a small area where you could get a nice bite to eat and a good drink. Like I said, it wasn't for romance or anything. Just payback.

"What about you and your mom? What do you guys do together?" she asked curiously.

"I help out around the house. I also go with her to get groceries."

"Do you hate it? Most boys do."

"I actually don't. I like it. I like spending time with them, even if it means cleaning."

She rested her chin on her hand and sighed. I looked over at her from the corner of my eye. "What?" I asked suspiciously. She blushed a little bit and started fiddling her fork in her fruit-salad.

"Nothing…"

Now I wish I was the one who could read minds.

"It's just," she continued, "it's nice to see this side of you. I'm so used to the cold, inward, never-says-anything Isamashii. I like having conversations with you."

I looked the other way.

"You do too!"

"Hey!" I snapped. "I said, 'No reading minds!' That's not fair!"

"I didn't."

_Whoops!_

She turned her attention back to her fruit-salad, satisfied. _Stupid smart girls._

Now not only did I spend time with my parents, but I started talking to other people more as well. I helped out around Konoha, collecting litter, helping people rebuild things. I'd spent too many years just walking by them. I felt I needed to help out, even if it were just a little bit. Fox Sensei noticed this, and she decided it was time that we consider the chunin exams. The other two were excited about it, but I wasn't sure what to think. Here I had been waiting for this since I was little, and now the moment was coming. Everything was falling into order. For once, all was right.


	5. Recovery

**EPILOGUE**

Book Five: Recovery

**Recovery**- n. A return to a normal condition

Looking back on it all, I realize just how much of a dramatic time in my life it all was. But don't think I lived happily ever after. Like all families, we have our disagreements, our arguments, and our moments where we don't think we can stand the other. But in the end, we all have to realize that no matter what; we will always have one thing:  
_Each other._

Mother and Father get a long much better now, and we were surprisingly able to avoid a divorce. But don't misunderstand me. Not all things in life are like a fairytale. Sometimes we have to give up things we want in order to make a better life for ourselves. I know that there are plenty of you out there now, reading this, who are going through almost the same thing I did. You are not alone.  
Don't give up. Understand that, if you've gone through the same thing on and on without change, you may have to accept a different direction. There is always more than one answer to a problem. Change is hard to deal with and can be extremely uncomfortable, but you may end up happier than you've ever been.  
And one last thing: you probably think that you are destined to grow up to be like your parents, having the same relationship problems as they had. That is nothing but a lie. You have the power to create your own future. You just have to seize that power.

Now I must be off. I have a mission I must go on, and will be gone for several days. I only hope that I have enlightened you on my past, and your possible future.

Farewell,

_Uchiha Isamashii_


End file.
